Emotional Abuse

Where I faltered was not the physical. I failed the mental challenges associated with immersion into a world commonly called the "program." Never have I been mentally assaulted like I was at Casa by the Sea.

We had 1.5 hours of group therapy 6 days a week. Our counselors were not certified or trained in the field of mental health. They were locals who could speak English well enough to talk to our parents. I also wouldn't call it "therapy", it was merely a tool for students to advance. It was easy to put someone else down and give them "feedback" in order to make yourself look good.

The entire system worked in one simple way. Students show up. They are physical abused by the staff and emotionally abused by the upper-level students. In order to complete the brainwashing, students progress to the upper-levels and become the abusers, cementing the transition from victim to minion.

I try to put Casa by the Sea into perspective, in a way that can make sense to those who were not there. It was like Basic Training, but it wasn't. It was a little like being deployed, but it wasn't. It was similar to stuff you see in the movies (Holes, But I'm a Cheerleader), but there is nothing funny about being in such a place.

My largest regret is the simple fact that I broke. I think about it like this. I am a Soldier, I am not supposed to give in to my captors. I am supposed to resist and escape. I failed on all accounts. Sure, I wasn't a Soldier yet, but that does not make my incarceration at Casa by the Sea any less traumatic.

I know this section is weak, doesn't go into any specifics. I have yet to truly face down the emotional abuse I had gone through outside of the seminars. When the time comes, I will be able to talk freely about it. My pieces on the seminars will go into greater detail.