Welcome to the VA, How do you want to die today?

I saw this segment this morning with utter and absolute disgust. I have never seen a better example of "We have always been at war with Eurasia, Eastasia has always been our friend" in my ENTIRE life.

To summarize, VA puts out a memo July 2nd telling providers to refer their patients to a end-of-life counseling book called "Your Life, Your Choice." The contents of this book are not important, some like it and some don't. What matters is the insistence of VA Assistant Secretary Tammy Duckworth that this memo never existed. She was asked 3 times about it and said something along the lines of "the last VA memo about end-of-life counseling was in 2007." Chris Wallace HAD THE DOCUMENT IN THE STUDIO!!

As I watched this segment, this women disgraced herself, the administration, and the military. She ignored the facts which were presented to her and made up her own story.

This is the same kind of beaurecrat which allowed for Walter Reed to turn into a Eastern-bloc hospital. The same kind of person who, during routine surgery, messed up and caused an Airman to lose both his legs.

Where are the politicians shouting "We support our troops" now? Oh right, they are on such a well-deserved summer break.

http://fns.blogs.foxnews.com/2009/08/23/the-death-book/

The true failure of the Army mental health care system.

I retrieved my medical records a few days ago. I was looking around in them, seeing what I even had in there. When I came across the records from my incarceration in December. There are records of my forced ER visit to Walter Reed. There are records of what the doctors diagnosed. Now do not misunderstand me, the doctors and nurses wrote exactly what I had said. The papers say something along the lines of :

Servicemember was admitted to WRAMC (Walter Reed Army Medical Center) because therapist reported SM (servicemember) was experiencing HI (homicidal intents) and SI (suicidal intents).

That's fine and dandy. That is what was reported, put it in there. However here is my issue with my current medical record.
THERE IS NO RECORD OF THAT DIAGNOSES BEING FALSE!!!!

As far as the Army is concerned, I am still suicidal and homicidal. No follow up messages, nothing to indicate that their entire reporting system is flawed beyond repair.

Let's address the real issue at hand here. The Army does not know how to handle mental health.

Say I want to speak to someone confidentially. Say I am having disturbing thoughts come into my head and I cannot get rid of them. There is absolutely no way that I can discuss such secrets without the risk of disclosure to my military bosses. I cannot speak with a therapist, counselor, chaplain, or lawyer about what is going on inside my head. The military does not have a single outlet to talk through such problems.

If I tell a therapist, counselor, chaplain, or lawyer something along the lines of "I keep having these thoughts come into my head, about hurting myself and others. I want to talk about them and work through them," then I would be escorted to a medical facility. I would be put on suicide watch, stripped of everything I could kill myself with, and undergo intensive psychiatric evaluations for days. I would be subjected to the same treatment which I went through while being escorted to Casa by the Sea.

So why would anyone talk to a counselor or therapist? Why would a single soldier admit they have a problem and try to work through it?

This is why the suicide rate for the Army jumped to 75 in a year. This is why veterans come home and keep it all bottled up. This is what is truly killing veterans of the military, the lack of confidentiality in the mental health care system.

Responsible Discourse v. Angry Mob

I am still angry with the owners of WWASP for what they did to me. I will never forget it, but one day I will be able to forgive. Not because I did anything wrong, but I will be able to allow Dharma (karma) to take over and deal out whatever consequences it feels necessary.

Anger is an acceptable feeling, the method of dealing with it is what really matters. I have to deal with my anger in a way which does not hurt others. If I play some video games to vent, then nothing which actually exists is hurt or destroyed.

I understand that every survivor is angry. They were betrayed by their parents, lied to by some escorts, taken to an abusive place (maybe a foreign country) and tormented physically, emotionally, and mentally. I was there with some of you, and I understand what everyone else went through.

Having anger about your time there is no excuse to act irrationally or without restraint. The best way that WWASP and NATSAP and all these other horrendous places have kept us silent is by labeling us a bunch of bitter kids because someone tried to teach us discipline.

NEWS FLASH: I like discipline, I dislike the abuse you put me through.
I have sat in a guard tower with 60 lbs. of gear, in Iraq, with 125 degress of sunlight pounding down on me for 6 HOURS! I have carried 60 lbs. on my back for 13 miles ruck marches. I have run half-marathons with 2 weeks of preparation.

Casa by the Sea was still worse.

NYRA Annual Meeting Post Script

My wife and I attended the NYRA Annual Meeting on the 1st and 2nd of this month. There were goods, bads, and uglies.

Good - Brian Lombrowski and I gave a great presentation. I wasn't planning on going up there and speaking, but I felt I had some good things to say. I talked about LGAT (Large Group Awareness Training) which is the outline for the WWASP seminars. More specifically the Lifespring model. I discussed how the seminars were designed to suck in as many as people as possible to ensure program graduation. My parents, my sister, and my current wife all attended seminars. My wife and I were 16 (not married at the time of course).

Great presentations about lowering the drinking age. Did you know that the United States of America has a higher drinking age than both China and North Korea? Who would have that that straight up communists would have more relax alcohol laws than the our great and free nation.

Students for a Sensible Drug Policy presented. I agreed with all their points except when they said that random drug testing doesn't work. I know from experience it works, otherwise I would be smoking a joint right now.

Bad - Had to drive to D.C. for it.

Ugly - The Students for Liberty debated The Students for a Democratic Society.
DISCLAIMER: I would take great pleasure in punching every SDS member squarely in the face and breaking their nose. I feel like they completely HATE the military (myself included).
Most of the debate consisted of hundreds of obnoxious political terms that mean just about the same thing, except slightly different. Not much conversation concerning Youth Rights (which was the point of the conference). There was one question where some women went on for 5 minutes about some obscure topic. It was so bad that my wife, a Political Science major, had to step out because of how ridiculous their arguments were. That should tell you something.

Bad Part II - The two debate groups ate all of the food provided by NYRA. I would have been happy with a MRE.

But I do have to say that it was worth it. NYRA rocks!